Tuesday, September 18, 2007

My Story

Hello, my name is Lisa Kay, and I've been fat since I was 18.

That statement is 85% accurate.

My entire life, I thought I was fat. So, when I would gain a few pounds here and there or enjoy Christmas desserts too much or make some bad food decision, I would think, "Well, I'm fat. This is what happens." Keep in mind, I am 5'7"ish and I thought I was obese because I weighed 145 pounds my sophomore year in high school. It didn't help that my best friend was 5'1" and weighed 95 pounds. I really didn't have anyone to compare myself to. I was a few inches taller than my friends, I actually had a reason to wear a br@ (if you you know what I mean), so, of course I weighed more. I just didn't see it that way. All I knew was that I had to buy bigger sizes than my friends. And, the truth is, it is hard to buy an 8, when your friends are 0 and 2. My biggest problem was myself, low esteem, and poor body image. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a fat person staring back at me.

My true struggle with weight began when hubby and I started dating. We went out. A lot. To a lot of restaurants. And we were so happy and in love, we would order an appetizer, salad, entree, and dessert. By the time I graduated, I couldn't wear the jeans or dresses I had worn the previous fall.

Then, I went away to college.

Ever heard of the "freshman fifteen?"

My experience was more like the freshman 25.

I had a hard time adjusting to college and dorm life. I thought I was being adventurous by attending a college where I didn't know anyone. It was tucked in the north Georgia mountains. The people were friendly. I loved it. However, I missed home and my boyfriend immensely. I ate to feel better.

And, since I was "fat," this is just what happens, right?

Of course, by January, I was adapted to college life and I was a big girl. I was quite embarrassed by my weight, but what I could do? That summer, my mom (who was around 5'8-9" and worked reasonably so to keep her weight in the healthy range) and I discussed it and she offered to pay for my food if I would go to Jenny Cr@ig.

I weighed in at 182 pounds.

I was going to summer school in college to graduate early, so drove home and got my food on Saturdays, never ate in the cafeteria at school, and by summer's end, I had lost nearly 30 pounds eating their food. I had to have been dedicated because the food didn't taste that great!

I kept most of it off my sophomore year, maybe gaining 10 pounds, but I stabilized, even if I was a bit heavy. I graduated with my Associates Degree, moved back home, and went to working on my Bachelor's Degree.

In November of my senior year of college, my mom got sick. She passed away in January while I was student teaching. I was reeling from so much grief, and shock. For the first time in my life, I was too upset to eat. That has never happened before or since. I was wearing size 10 clothes that summer and it was nice, but I certainly hadn't worked for it.

Hubby and I got married in October and I really put on weight fast. I think I hadn't dealt with the grief appropriately because I focused my joy on the upcoming wedding. Once I didn't have that to look forward to, I crashed into a deep depression.

I ended up weighing 242 pounds. My heavest ever in my life - before or since.

(Don't worry, folks, this is where the story gets shorter.)

Eating healthy foods, I lost 45 pounds and that's where I stopped.

I've gained and lost 25 pounds about 5 or 6 times, keeping me in the over 200's for a few years now.

It seems like every time I get close to 195, I freeze up and stop doing the right things. Sometimes it's because of the timing (holidays). Sometimes, it's because of emotions (lost a precious member of my family last year). Sometimes, it's because food just tastes good and I want it!

However, my 20's are nearly over and it's time to take care of myself. My feet and back hurt too much for someone of my age.

I want to be able to wear cuter clothes.

I want to not be the fat one in the group.

I want to have my confidence, umm, shall we say, with my husband. (How's that for putting it appropriately?)

I want to enjoy life and take care of the body the Lord has provided.

My journey is beginning.

6 comments:

ValleyGirl said...

Welcome to a new challenge!! Your story sounds so much like mine. There's no EASY way to lose weight and keep it off -- we all have to find what works for ourselves and WORK at it, growing our own self-discipline and self-motivation along the way.

WE CAN DO THIS -- and inspiration and encouragement from others will help.

AnneK said...

It was good to read your story. Keep the faith, don't lose hope!

Southern Girl said...

Welcome to the Challenge! There are several things in your story that I can identify with, and I hope you have great success. Sounds like you have your mind in the right place to do this, and in my experience, that's at least half the battle. :)

Mama Bear June said...

Welcome to the challenge! This really is a great group of women and we are here to support and encourage you. I was 5'11" in high school, so I always felt like the fat girl, but looking at photos, I realize I actually looked pretty GOOD! Let's get into ONDERLAND (below 200) soon! I know you can do it.
Path to Health

Kellie said...

Welcome Lisa Kay! You can do it! As someone who has also lost and gained the same pesky 20 pounds, I know where you are coming from and if you're like me...some weeks you'll do great and others, not so much, but hang in there! You'll be glad you did! Go get 'em!

KT said...

I enjoyed reading your story! I have very similarly gone up and down for several years! I enjoyed reading your story, and love your candidness!